The Award, The Reality, and The Occult
Prologue
Be forewarned: This is long one. In fact I think I will divide it into chapters so that anyone who does not like long blogs can have an easy reference point to return to.
Chapter One: What Would William Wallace Do?
I have been given several moments of praise since deploying to Afghanistan. I have been given a coin from the Kansas State Sergeant Major. I received a considerable amount of verbal praise from my Squad Leader, Platoon Sergeant, and Platoon Leader. That culminated in receiving a coin from the Oklahoma State Sergeant Major, and another coin from the Adjutant General for the State of Oklahoma. Then the other day I got called down from the tower. I had noticed a growing number of my chain of command milling around. I didn’t know what for, but I had noticed the green folder synonymous with an award. So when I got down to where they were I was pleasantly surprised to learn the award was for me. William Wallace said “. . . I have been given nothing; God makes men what they are.” But I am going to brag a little because I think it will help me develop my point.
In the Army a “recommender” must provide a list of three achievements and then a citation. Notice I got the optional fourth achievement noted! Here are the achievements that earned me a second Army Commendation Medal.
1. SGT (Me) mobilized in 36 hours in support of Hurricane Katrina relief efforts to New Orleans, LA. As part of these relief efforts, SGT (ME) assisted in evacuating civilian refugees, and assisted the ASPCA/HSUS in evacuating stranded or abandoned animals. SGT (ME) worked in flooded and contaminated area’s entering buildings searching for casualties and survivors.
2. SGT (Me) performed an exceptional job by stepping up and taking over a squad of soldiers due to the inability of the existing squad leader to be mobilized. SGT (Me) ensured that all assigned missions were accomplished and that all squad leader duties were executed during the mobilization of TF (Task Force) Katrina.
3. After spending 3 weeks cleaning up after Hurricane Katrina, SGT (Me) continued to lead his squad through a second hurricane (Rita) knowing well what damage it could cause. Not being evacuated, SGT (Me)s’ dedication to duty was in the highest keeping with the Army and the Oklahoma National Guard.
4. SGT (Me) led his squad through countless houses in hazardous conditions searching for survivors of the flood/Hurricane Katrina.
Citation: Achievement while serving as a squad leader for 2PLT, Co C , 1-279 IN During TF Katrina relief efforts in New Orleans LA from 01 SEP 2005 through the end of the mobilization. He consistently set the standard, worked long hours, and displayed outstanding professional ability at all times. By leading by example through hazardous and degrading conditions, he was an inspiration to his subordinates. SGT (Me)s’ superior sense of duty to the 45th Infantry Brigade and the OKARNG (Oklahoma Army National Guard) reflect great credit upon himself, the 45th Light Infantry, the 7th Infantry Division, and the Oklahoma Nation Guard.
Chapter Two: What Would Napoleon Do?
So I saluted shook hands and went back to work. As I climbed up the stairs, I thought about the whole New Orleans experience. For some reason I thought backwards. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of the mobilization is that when I came back all I heard of was the racist Bush administration that LET this happen. (Special note to Rivendell friends, I am really glad that you trip was so much better than mine.) I think of the foul odor that took three washes to get off of me and my clothes. The awful heat until Rita came around, the miserable work, and working conditions. The constant moving until we got to the hostel, and later on the Hyatt. Long patrols, and longer nights standing in the middle of the street directing traffic away from our operations. By the end of my climb, it’s a pretty tall tower, I got to the part where I missed saying good bye to Jenni and Jeremy. I missed supporting my wife while she her best friend left for the peace corps. The overwhelming emotions drove my daughter to relapsed on her potty training. The tearful “discussion” when my wife saw the flowering story I invented and “discovered” I volunteered. During the deployment I re-enlisted much to her chagrin. Situated neatly in the middle of all that I missed my son’s birthday. Napoleon claimed that he could conquer the world if he had enough ribbon to make awards out of. In my tower seat now, I though about that for a minute. Awards and decorations they really push people on. Soldiers are the same; leaders are encouraged to publicly recognize the work of subordinates, through counseling, awards, and decorations. I thought as I sat in my tower about what Mel Gibson’s character said in Brave Heart. He was not confessing something deep or profound about God, he was saying that no matter what accolade he got he would not be led around because of it.
What if that award were the last line of my life? What if all my kids had to hold was a piece of paper that said “Your Pop was a good troop, we of the1-279 IN, the 45th Light SIB and the 7th ID are real proud.”
Residual pain for missing the birthday caught up with. Then I thought about how I missed this year’s birthday. Two in a row, some DaddyMan. What do I have to show for it? An Army commendation medal, not good enough. What about Afghanistan? How can I make up for missing birthday number six, saving Afghanistan? Not hardly, chances are strong he and his peers will still face duty this dirty, brown place when they are older enough to decide to serve. I sent him a flag for his birthday; it flew over our camp on Sept. 11. (Oh yeah, that reminds me I missed his first birthday too.) I hope that as he grows he will forgive and forget, or at least think of me as someone who felt passionate about building a better future for him and his generation.
I recently watched the National Geographic documentary “Witness 9/11" I think it is called. I almost vomited when that first plane hit, I have not seen it for a long time and I was really surprised how it affected me. I had to fight back tears several times, it was really weird. I don’t know why I am passing all this along, but I am under a cloud of guilt and I guess I just what to leave something of an apology for my son. If any of his mother’s skepticism rubs off it will probably fall on his ears like a poor excuse.
Chapter Three: What Would Jack Bristow Do?
As an anti-depressant I bought the entire 5 seasons of Alias. Watching each episode is like traveling back though a time portal. I remember the first episode I saw at Laura’s moms’ house. I remember when we first invited Eric and Amber over and found out they were addicted to the show too. So we started our own “fellowship”. . . that Kyle called a cult. Never mind that the lights were out and silence was required until the show cut to a commercial. Seeing; Sydney, Jack, Marshall, Weiss, Vaughan, Dixon, Sloan, Sark, Irena Derevko, and even that crazy North Korean “dentist” it was seeing all my old friends again. After Eric and Amber moved away, then Jeremy and Jenni shared our Sunday night addiction with us. Kyle and Cathy, Tony and Stevie, Curtis and Amber, in fact at one point in time or another everyone in the New Heights newly wed class had some over to watch Alias with us. One night my sister and her (at that time) husband came by and were so weirded out that they left us to our show, before it was over. Anyone who saw knows it was a good show, especially early on. Just as important as the show was the fun time we had with our friends before and after it came on. But just like all those fun filled Sunday nights, last night the screen went black, and the letters A L I A appeared in white on the black screen and the S was die cut and black. Over. Back to reality.
I fear becoming like Jack. He defended Sydney against all enemies foreign and domestic, he looked over her friends and always made sure he knew who she was leaving with and what time she was to return; here is a quote “If it is not obvious to you by now everything I do is in the service of protecting Sydney.” But he also defended this nation with such zeal that he often became the center of ethics discussions. Another quote, “Your consistent shortcoming, you should know this, is your naïve sense of morality. Evil must be destroyed, at any cost.” Jack was constantly gone to one shady “black” operation or another, leaving Sydney with a nanny or worse in the hands of Project Christmas. I already leave for long blocks of time and do things I can’t discuss outside the “office.” I already made foolish decisions based on my own selfish desire to serve my county. I don’t want my kids to grow up and have to wonder or guess about me or the content of my heart.
Epilogue
LDRSHIP is the acronym that soldiers are taught to help them remember the Army Values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. “God please help me to remember that my country is not the entity that I owe these same allegiances to.”
“To LLE, JRE3, and LGE please forgive me of my patriotic zeal, my expedience to serve, and robbing you of my presence at a year and a half’s worth of holidays and gatherings.”
XOXOXO
DaddyMan
Be forewarned: This is long one. In fact I think I will divide it into chapters so that anyone who does not like long blogs can have an easy reference point to return to.
Chapter One: What Would William Wallace Do?
I have been given several moments of praise since deploying to Afghanistan. I have been given a coin from the Kansas State Sergeant Major. I received a considerable amount of verbal praise from my Squad Leader, Platoon Sergeant, and Platoon Leader. That culminated in receiving a coin from the Oklahoma State Sergeant Major, and another coin from the Adjutant General for the State of Oklahoma. Then the other day I got called down from the tower. I had noticed a growing number of my chain of command milling around. I didn’t know what for, but I had noticed the green folder synonymous with an award. So when I got down to where they were I was pleasantly surprised to learn the award was for me. William Wallace said “. . . I have been given nothing; God makes men what they are.” But I am going to brag a little because I think it will help me develop my point.
In the Army a “recommender” must provide a list of three achievements and then a citation. Notice I got the optional fourth achievement noted! Here are the achievements that earned me a second Army Commendation Medal.
1. SGT (Me) mobilized in 36 hours in support of Hurricane Katrina relief efforts to New Orleans, LA. As part of these relief efforts, SGT (ME) assisted in evacuating civilian refugees, and assisted the ASPCA/HSUS in evacuating stranded or abandoned animals. SGT (ME) worked in flooded and contaminated area’s entering buildings searching for casualties and survivors.
2. SGT (Me) performed an exceptional job by stepping up and taking over a squad of soldiers due to the inability of the existing squad leader to be mobilized. SGT (Me) ensured that all assigned missions were accomplished and that all squad leader duties were executed during the mobilization of TF (Task Force) Katrina.
3. After spending 3 weeks cleaning up after Hurricane Katrina, SGT (Me) continued to lead his squad through a second hurricane (Rita) knowing well what damage it could cause. Not being evacuated, SGT (Me)s’ dedication to duty was in the highest keeping with the Army and the Oklahoma National Guard.
4. SGT (Me) led his squad through countless houses in hazardous conditions searching for survivors of the flood/Hurricane Katrina.
Citation: Achievement while serving as a squad leader for 2PLT, Co C , 1-279 IN During TF Katrina relief efforts in New Orleans LA from 01 SEP 2005 through the end of the mobilization. He consistently set the standard, worked long hours, and displayed outstanding professional ability at all times. By leading by example through hazardous and degrading conditions, he was an inspiration to his subordinates. SGT (Me)s’ superior sense of duty to the 45th Infantry Brigade and the OKARNG (Oklahoma Army National Guard) reflect great credit upon himself, the 45th Light Infantry, the 7th Infantry Division, and the Oklahoma Nation Guard.
Chapter Two: What Would Napoleon Do?
So I saluted shook hands and went back to work. As I climbed up the stairs, I thought about the whole New Orleans experience. For some reason I thought backwards. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of the mobilization is that when I came back all I heard of was the racist Bush administration that LET this happen. (Special note to Rivendell friends, I am really glad that you trip was so much better than mine.) I think of the foul odor that took three washes to get off of me and my clothes. The awful heat until Rita came around, the miserable work, and working conditions. The constant moving until we got to the hostel, and later on the Hyatt. Long patrols, and longer nights standing in the middle of the street directing traffic away from our operations. By the end of my climb, it’s a pretty tall tower, I got to the part where I missed saying good bye to Jenni and Jeremy. I missed supporting my wife while she her best friend left for the peace corps. The overwhelming emotions drove my daughter to relapsed on her potty training. The tearful “discussion” when my wife saw the flowering story I invented and “discovered” I volunteered. During the deployment I re-enlisted much to her chagrin. Situated neatly in the middle of all that I missed my son’s birthday. Napoleon claimed that he could conquer the world if he had enough ribbon to make awards out of. In my tower seat now, I though about that for a minute. Awards and decorations they really push people on. Soldiers are the same; leaders are encouraged to publicly recognize the work of subordinates, through counseling, awards, and decorations. I thought as I sat in my tower about what Mel Gibson’s character said in Brave Heart. He was not confessing something deep or profound about God, he was saying that no matter what accolade he got he would not be led around because of it.
What if that award were the last line of my life? What if all my kids had to hold was a piece of paper that said “Your Pop was a good troop, we of the1-279 IN, the 45th Light SIB and the 7th ID are real proud.”
Residual pain for missing the birthday caught up with. Then I thought about how I missed this year’s birthday. Two in a row, some DaddyMan. What do I have to show for it? An Army commendation medal, not good enough. What about Afghanistan? How can I make up for missing birthday number six, saving Afghanistan? Not hardly, chances are strong he and his peers will still face duty this dirty, brown place when they are older enough to decide to serve. I sent him a flag for his birthday; it flew over our camp on Sept. 11. (Oh yeah, that reminds me I missed his first birthday too.) I hope that as he grows he will forgive and forget, or at least think of me as someone who felt passionate about building a better future for him and his generation.
I recently watched the National Geographic documentary “Witness 9/11" I think it is called. I almost vomited when that first plane hit, I have not seen it for a long time and I was really surprised how it affected me. I had to fight back tears several times, it was really weird. I don’t know why I am passing all this along, but I am under a cloud of guilt and I guess I just what to leave something of an apology for my son. If any of his mother’s skepticism rubs off it will probably fall on his ears like a poor excuse.
Chapter Three: What Would Jack Bristow Do?
As an anti-depressant I bought the entire 5 seasons of Alias. Watching each episode is like traveling back though a time portal. I remember the first episode I saw at Laura’s moms’ house. I remember when we first invited Eric and Amber over and found out they were addicted to the show too. So we started our own “fellowship”. . . that Kyle called a cult. Never mind that the lights were out and silence was required until the show cut to a commercial. Seeing; Sydney, Jack, Marshall, Weiss, Vaughan, Dixon, Sloan, Sark, Irena Derevko, and even that crazy North Korean “dentist” it was seeing all my old friends again. After Eric and Amber moved away, then Jeremy and Jenni shared our Sunday night addiction with us. Kyle and Cathy, Tony and Stevie, Curtis and Amber, in fact at one point in time or another everyone in the New Heights newly wed class had some over to watch Alias with us. One night my sister and her (at that time) husband came by and were so weirded out that they left us to our show, before it was over. Anyone who saw knows it was a good show, especially early on. Just as important as the show was the fun time we had with our friends before and after it came on. But just like all those fun filled Sunday nights, last night the screen went black, and the letters A L I A appeared in white on the black screen and the S was die cut and black. Over. Back to reality.
I fear becoming like Jack. He defended Sydney against all enemies foreign and domestic, he looked over her friends and always made sure he knew who she was leaving with and what time she was to return; here is a quote “If it is not obvious to you by now everything I do is in the service of protecting Sydney.” But he also defended this nation with such zeal that he often became the center of ethics discussions. Another quote, “Your consistent shortcoming, you should know this, is your naïve sense of morality. Evil must be destroyed, at any cost.” Jack was constantly gone to one shady “black” operation or another, leaving Sydney with a nanny or worse in the hands of Project Christmas. I already leave for long blocks of time and do things I can’t discuss outside the “office.” I already made foolish decisions based on my own selfish desire to serve my county. I don’t want my kids to grow up and have to wonder or guess about me or the content of my heart.
Epilogue
LDRSHIP is the acronym that soldiers are taught to help them remember the Army Values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. “God please help me to remember that my country is not the entity that I owe these same allegiances to.”
“To LLE, JRE3, and LGE please forgive me of my patriotic zeal, my expedience to serve, and robbing you of my presence at a year and a half’s worth of holidays and gatherings.”
XOXOXO
DaddyMan
posted by Daddyman @ 1:33 AM
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